HTML tutorials for the rest of us...

This list was written, designed and illustrated by Jeffrey M. Glover

Top Ten Ways To Tell If You Have A Sucky Home Page

For whatever reasons, Jeff Glover got tired of his web site and took down his famous Sucky Home Page list. I've taken the liberty of reposting it here. -JB

Warning: Don't have a hissy-fit if something from your web site is on the list. You are encouraged to create your web site however you want, regardless of what some doofus says is "sucky" or "a don't"!

Good design is a matter of YOUR personal taste and style, not someone else's! Besides, rules are meant to be broken. I should know... I've broken a few of my own!

It's all in fun!

10 [Picture of a HUGE Header GIF]

Your header picture is over 50K!

Not all of us have T1 lines installed, ya know! Keep your pictures down to thumbnails until we care to download the whole thing!

9 [Picture of a Canyon with a big arrow pointing at a tiny person in the corner]

You put up a 400K picture of yourself, and you appear in the lower-left 20K!

Can you say "CROP"?

8 [Picture of a couple cats]

We can only stomach so many pictures of your pets.

"...and this is my cat: Fluffy. This is my dog: Fifi. This is my llama: Frumpy. This is my dolphin: Flippy..."

7 [Picture of some musical notes with NO symbol over it]

Obnoxious background music.

Think about it... If we're trying to browse from our cubicle at work so our boss doesn't know, you can bet the instant we hear your lame MIDI interpretation of "Stairway to Heaven" your page is history.

6 [An AWFUL picture of me, super-posterized and pixelized. (Not to say the OTHER pictures of me aren't awful either! :)]

You use bad, bad, bad, bad scans.

Like some sorta crappy 4-bit GIF that looks like a film negative left out in the desert for 5 years.

5 [Picture of a yuck face]

Ticker Tape Status Bars

It was cool only the first time we saw it.
See Blink.

"We want our Status Line back, dammit!"

4 [Picture of a Construction GIF with bullet holes in it]

You use Construction pics on your page.

I think we all know that pages are always under construction!

3 [Picture of Resume]

Your home page consists of a desperate plea for a job.

2 [That text that says BLINK is blinking]


'nuff said.

1 [Picture of a Trophy]

You're on your own Hot List!

Thanks for stopping by!

All Graphics & Text ŠJeffrey M. Glover